How do I live today without letting my past influence every moment? This question I have struggled to get an answer to for years. Growing up, I always felt like I was chained to my past and I could never get free. I always thought that I had to either let it overwhelm me, or completely ignore it and act like I was totally fine.
I read verses on being free; I did Bible studies on breaking free from bondage, I would pray and beg God to make me normal. Nothing seemed to work, and there were days when I would get so angry at my birth mother. I would blame her for everything that was wrong in my life. I would say, “If only she hadn’t drank. If only she had loved me, If, If, If” …. And I would become bitter, angry, depressed and lash out at everyone around me. It wasn’t my fault that I had all these issues; it was somebody else’s! So I just decided to be a victim and make everyone suffer for the bad choices my birth mother had made.
I don’t know if you have struggled through this confusing maze that leaves you discouraged and desperate for answers. If you have or still are, I want to tell you that, ‘confused’ is exactly where Satan wants us to be. If we are upset, hurt and confused, then we will turn on not only the people that love us, but we will also question God’s character.
“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33a)
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come so that you may have life and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)
It is pretty clear what Satan’s goal is when it comes to our lives, and it’s also just as clear that God’s heart is quite the opposite. He wants us to have a rich, full, happy life that is not filled with confusion and turmoil. The hard part is how do you and I make it our reality today?
We have to believe that God loves us as we are right now, but He loves us too much to leave you and I this way. We have to accept that this day God has something good planned for our lives and to actively seek out the good in spite of the negative. We have to put aside the questions, doubts, upset and tears so that God can start the process of healing. It is a day by day choice. Sometimes we will have to go over the same things repeatedly and God is willing to go with us! Trusting God with the past is the scariest thing, because it no longer becomes ours to control. God will do with it whatever He believes is necessary, but you can be certain of one thing! God will create something beautiful out of your story.
Does letting go of whatever happened to you mean it erases the pain? No, it simply means that now God can walk through the pain with you and help you sort everything out so that you can go on to live a happy life.
Even today, thirteen years after my adoption, I still struggle with letting go of my past and not being defined by my early years in Russia. The pain never really disappears; it only gets easier to give back to God when it comes creeping in.
Jesus is on your side, He is for you during every step of this journey!
“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”
“I am the Lord your God who teaches you what is best for you and directs you in the way you should go.” (Isaiah 48:17)
“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. The sorrows for the appointed feasts, I will remove from you, they are burden and a reproach to you.” (Zephaniah 3:17-19)